domingo, 23 de marzo de 2008

SINCERICIDIO
He decidido empezar a llamar a las cosas con el nombre que tienen,
No por un arrebato de sinceridad, o una repentina necesidad de gritar “las verdades”
Sino por el cansancio que me produce el despertarme, el dormir, el coexistir
Con las ficciones que yo mismo he creado.
Es el esfuerzo, la energía, el tiempo,
son demasiado….

Mantener una mentira cuesta.
Mucho más cuando es a uno mismo.
Pretender situaciones, convencerse, interpretarlas,
como un eterno acto de una comedia berreta.
Un único acto, que se torna cada vez mas aburrido
y cada vez con menos público.

He decidido, dije,
dejar de creer que puedo revertir
el implacable deterioro de mi estado físico
solo con proponérmelo.
Y aceptar que esta decadencia
tiene sus encantos….

Voy a amigarme con mis adicciones,
y por fin hablarles de frente.
Invitarlas a que convivamos
cada uno con sus rollos,
sus momentos y sus manías.
Respeto, que le dicen.

Aunque los dos sepamos
del amor que nos tenemos.

Pedirles que me dejen
serles infiel por momentos.
Con una que otra concesión
para que este matrimonio dure,
lo suficiente como para dejarles una herencia.

Y si la libertad no es lo suyo,
las invitaré a que me abandonen.
Y e buenos términos pactaremos
visitas higiénicas o de cortesía.
Al fin y al cabo fuimos pareja.

Empezaré a aceptar
que la soledad
no es tan glamorosa como la pinto y
que a veces es mucho mejor una mala compañía
que nos moleste
y nos haga acordar que respiremos
Voy a dejar de fingir
que no sé porqué pasó.
Voy a dejar de creer
en mi inocencia pasiva.
Voy a asumir mis culpas
con la dignidad de un canalla.

Al borde de un pelotón de fusilamiento
que no pide clemencia
ni perdón, ni lástima.
Y putea con una carcajada
a sus verdugos sorprendidos.

Aceptaré que la alegría
está muy sobreestimada.
Y que la melancolía
No me sirve para crear
ni me va a dar
el talento que no tengo.

Voy a dejarte en paz
y entender por fin tus motivos,
sin desearte ni suerte ni felicidad
que no puedas compartir conmigo.
Ese egoísmo es mi prerrogativa
ante la libertad que has comprado.

Trataré de no consentirte
como si te lo merecieras y
de esperar que entiendas
las razones que me llevan
a renunciar
a mi orgullo tan pretendido.

No voy a suponer nunca más
que puedo comprar
el cariño, el respeto, el amor, el sexo.
Y después pedir
que me los anotes
en tu libreta de los fiados.

Nunca fui bueno con mi economía
Y no es cuestión
de empezar a serlo ahora.
Pero voy a empezar a ahorrar
mis gestos, mis angustias, mis sueños
después veré en quien los invierto.

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